No, I’m not one of those self-absorbed people who think the world revolves around them and that everyone must conform to my wishes. Rather, I’m one of those self-absorbed people who believe if anything goes wrong, anywhere, anytime, I must either a) be at fault through incompetence or negligence; or b) fix it. Sometimes both.
My misapprehensions come from a dysfunctional history I still fight to overcome. This week’s lesson highlighted those mental errors.
First, when Hubby and our law-school son have a silly misunderstanding, I need to walk away and let them figure it out. They’re adults – far more alike than either care to admit most days, but intelligent adults nonetheless. I don’t need to mediate, fix, soothe, or make excuses. And it’s not my fault technology frustrates at the worst possible moment. That’s the nature of frustration.
Second, my writer’s group friends are adults, too. Creative, sensitive, self-absorbed…and probably much more like me than I care to admit. I don’t need to mediate, fix, soothe, or make excuses.
See a pattern?
Finally, on a more stressful note, I’ve been researching extremely distressing topics for my current temp job, and I struggle to separate myself from the horrors on the page. As I’ve noted in earlier posts, Hubby often counsels me to take the emotion out of a situation. It’s so very difficult for me to do, and this week I paid the price. My empathic reaction to the passages I’ve been reading has left me with a borderline migraine for days, and finally erupted in yet another painful cold sore – my body’s second most frequent reaction to stress after the migraines.
The texts I’m reading cannot remotely be considered my fault, although I’ve managed to find a way to believe I’m being blamed unfairly for society’s crimes. The situations depicted cannot be fixed or soothed or excused. They’re reality.
In searching for a new email tagline, I recovered a quote from my collection that speaks to my week: “Memory can so fix us in the past that we turn to salt - and all we are good for is preserving something that used to be.” ~ Daniel Aleshire
I need to shake those old memories, mine and the intensely negative ones I’m inflicted with from reading ancient history at work.
It’s not all about me. You?